


Call It What You Want

by stillcookiedough



Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, F/F, Human Carmilla Karnstein, Music, Musician Carmilla, Musician Laura, POV Carmilla, carmilla freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-09 05:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12880701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillcookiedough/pseuds/stillcookiedough
Summary: Carmilla is a tired sound engineer with some baggage. Laura is a musician still trying to figure out what to do with her life. Maybe all they need is to find each other to help them get to the next stage of their lives by making music together.





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is my first fan fic, any comments or suggestions would be awesome. Hopefully somebody finds this and enjoys it, I've been having fun writing it. I have it pretty much done already so it won't be abandoned! Shout out to my friends who read this and told me to post it :)

Carmilla was not looking forward to working that night. She had finished plugging in the microphones and turning on the floor monitors and she went back to the sound board and flicked it on with a sigh. Unfortunately, she knew just how the night would go. The Lustig wasn’t the best of venues, but Carmilla’s friend Mel owned it, so she agreed to run sound for them on occasion when she needed someone. 

 

“What am I doing here again?” Carmilla shouted over to Mel who was at the bar.

 

“Stuff it Karnstein, I’m sure you owe me.”

 

“Didn’t I introduce you to your girlfriend?”

 

“Don’t I give you free beer?”

 

Carmilla sighed for what was probably the hundreth time that night.

 

“Well I need one right now.”

 

That night the usual sound guy had bailed. Typically Mel would know better than to bring Carmilla in for this particular band,  _ The Zeta Bros _ , because they had a bad habit of being sexist douches. This was particularly true for their frontman, Theo Stratka. But Carmilla knew that Mel needed the money that the band would bring in. The plethora of dudebros and straight girls that would flood The Lustig that night would order more alcohol than they would typically sell in an entire week.

 

So with deep seated grumbling Carmilla finished setting up the stage as the band arrived. The drummer, Kirsch, was the first to come in, carrying the kick drum in one hand and a cymbal stand in the other. Out of all the guys in the band, he was the best by far. “Yo Carmilla! I didn’t know we had you in the front of house tonight! Dude we will for sure rock tonight.”

 

Carmilla just gave a slight nod in response, she knew she was good, but nothing on God’s green earth could make this band sound good. Theo came in next, carting his Fender strat and his gigantic Orange amp. Carmilla was sure he was compensating for something with that. He was followed by the bass player, and as Carmilla turned to see the other guitar player walk in, she didn’t see anything. She turned her head and realized that the fourth person had already entered the venue, and to her surprise a very short, and very cute girl stood pulling a beautiful black Tele out of its case. 

 

The girl seemed to feel Carmilla’s eyes on her because she turned and smiled.

 

“Oh my goodness! We actually have a woman running sound tonight! That’s amazing! You must be amazing! Is it hard being in an industry so over run by middle age white guys? Do you always run sound here? How long have you been doing this for? Is this your main job? Did you go to music tech school or anything? Where at?”

 

Carmilla blinked. She could barely even process any of the questions that were just thrown at her. The girl had dirty blond hair that fell in waves around her face. She was wearing a jeans jacket over a sheer black shirt and Carmilla may have snuck a quick peek at her abs while she was talking. She had consequently missed most of what the girl had said. 

 

The girl seemed to take in Carmilla’s confusion, “I am so sorry! I didn’t even introduce myself!”

 

She pulled her guitar off and walked up to Carmilla and held out her hand. 

 

“Hi my name’s Laura Hollis, and I’m filling in on electric and backup vocals for the Zetas tonight.” She leaned in then whispered, “Lord save me,” with a smirk.

 

“Carmilla Karnstein. Running front of house tonight,” she said as she accepted Laura’s hand. She hoped that she came off as sexy and unaffected instead of how flustered she was feeling inside. She sereptiosly glanced down at her holey jeans and flannel that she was pretty sure hadn’t been washed recently. She hadn’t been planning on impressing anybody that night.

 

“Hollis! Come on we aren’t paying you to talk to pretty girls!” 

 

They both turned and saw Theo glaring at them, he himself was not ready to go, but apparently Laura was causing a big hold up by just being a nice human and greeting other people. Something that Theo had apparently decided was beneath him.

 

Laura sighed and Carmilla heard her mutter to herself, “Let’s get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

Carmilla had been wrong. There was something that could make The Zeta Bros sound better. And that was Laura Hollis. She had less gear than Theo by far, her amp was smaller, she had fewer pedals, but then Carmilla knew that most of what Theo bought was just because he thought it looked cool. His pedal board was so poorly set up that there was a constant buzz coming from it. Laura on the other hand didn’t have a lot to work with, but what she did have she knew how to use well. Those were the types of musicians that Carmilla could admire. They made her job a whole heck of a lot easier. 

 

Carmilla was impressed by Laura’s finesse on the guitar as well. The girl could shred. Carmilla knew the guy the band usually had playing the solos Laura was playing and they sounded better than they ever had. But as much as Carmilla liked to listen to Laura play she was even more impressed with her voice. 

 

Theo’s voice was loud and overwhelming, and he often over sang which caused him to sing more than a little bit off pitch. Not only that, but the band only did original songs, and they were all terrible. A pop punk mess of lyrics that circled mainly around poor descriptions of women and dysfunctional relationships. Theo of course did not let Laura sing lead on any of the songs, but she did sing backup, and Carmilla had a good ear. She could tell that Laura was good. Too good for this band good. At one point during the soundcheck, Carmilla put on  headphones and muted everybody but Laura just so she could hear her play. She momentarily closed her eyes and just listened. 

 

_ Damn. _

 

Carmilla shoved off the headphones and unmuted the rest of the band and shook her head. She looked up and saw Laura’s fingers racing across the neck of her guitar. The song ended and Laura used her hand to shove her long hair out of her face. 

 

This was not good. Carmilla could feel it. The pounding of her heart, the clenching in her gut. The sudden need to be in this girls presence. The desire to get to know her. She shook her head again, trying to get rid of the feeling. But it was too late. Carmilla had a crush on another musician, the one type of person she promised she would never fall for again.

 

* * *

 

The night was long. The crowd was racious, even with Laura the band was decent at best. And the whole night Carmilla felt her eyes drifting constantly towards Laura. And the whole night she constantly was pulling her eyes away from Laura. She couldn’t take it. Thank goodness that she had to clean up the stage that night after the show, or else she might have been tempted to talk to Laura.

 

Finally the band was done, after playing two unfortunate encores to a very drunk crowd. All the people were gone and Kirche was taking away the last pieces of his drum set. Carmilla hopped up on stage and began wrapping microphone cables, thankful at last for the comfortable silence. Mel was over wiping down the bar, but other than that there was no noise. 

 

Carmilla nearly jumped out of her skin at the tap on her shoulder. She let out a small shriek as she turned.

 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! I thought you heard me coming up!” Laura Hollis was wearing a wide eyed expression on her face.

 

Carmilla blinked at her. Not able to think of one coherent word to say.

 

“I always like to make sure I help tear down, you did great tonight, and really you have a thankless job. Plus this crowd was horrible. If I wasn’t such good friends with Kirsch I would have never agreed to play this gig tonight.”

 

Carmilla blinked at Laura again, and before she could stop herself she said, “Well thanks but I’ve got this cutie. After a gig like tonight I like cleaning up in silence, but honestly you’re the only thing that made tonight not half bad.” Carmilla mentally slapped herself, but Laura was entirely too cute not to flirt with.

 

Laura responded with an adorable blush, but that was soon replaced with a grin.

 

“Not half bad?” she said.

 

“I mean I was tempted to mute Theo’s vocals for the entire set, but I don’t really want to get fired.” 

 

Laura chuckled a little, but it was interrupted by a yawn.

 

“Really cupcake, you should get going so you can get some rest.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Laura said in the middle of another yawn.

 

“Nah, I’m good. I’m almost done here anyways.”

 

“Okay, well it was nice to meet you.”

 

“Likewise.”

 

Carmilla couldn’t help but smile as she watched Laura walk away. Just as she got to the door Laura stopped and turned back.

 

“Hey you know, I’m kind of embarrassed that the first time you heard me play was with _The Zeta Bros_. Every Tuesday night I host the open mic night at  _ Silas Coffee and Tea _ , if you want to see me play for real you should come.” She winked, gave a little wave, and before Carmilla could blink she was gone.

 

Carmilla lifted her hand and rubbed her eyes, trying to deny the feelings that she could feel already blooming.

 

She knew where she would be next Tuesday.


	2. Open Mic Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla can't help herself. She goes to see Laura at Open Mic Night, and she just might flirt a little bit too.

Carmilla pulled up her phone to see the time once more. 

 

7:04

 

She rested her head in her hand and couldn’t repress the sigh that came out. She had been sitting in her car for 15 minutes already. She was 10 minutes early to an open mic night. Nobody came early to an open mic night, it wasn’t necessary because nobody that good ever played. But since Laura was hosting she would probably play first and Carmilla didn’t want to miss Laura. She didn’t even want to hear anybody else play. But at the same time Carmilla didn’t want to look desperate. So she waited. She glanced down at her phone again.

 

7:05

 

_ Screw it _ . 

 

She opened the door of her car and locked it, she shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket to feel for her phone and her wallet, and then she continued in to  _ Silas, Coffee, and Tea _ . Her favorite leather pants were hugging her hips, not that she was hoping Laura would notice. As she entered the small coffee shop she glanced around, the decour was all wood and comfy couches and plush chairs maneuvered around small tables. She looked at the coffee bar to her right and saw fancy writing spelling out cutsey names to coffee beverages on a chalk board. And when she looked to her left she saw a small stage surrounded by a few guitar cases and about 10 or 15 annoyed people, and one very flustered and adorable Laura Hollis.

 

Carmilla strolled casually to the stage and when Laura spotted her, her eyes lit up and she ran to her and grabbed her hand, and pulled her up to the stage.

 

“Carmilla! Thank God you’re here! The manager who is usually here on Tuesdays and makes sure that the sound runs is sick and I thought I did everything right, but something isn’t working! And there’s no sound, and I’ve changed the cables and everything and I don’t know but it’s all messed up!”

 

Carmilla felt herself being dragged to the sound board, but all she could think about was Laura’s hand on hers. It was a little slick with sweat, but it felt nice. A pleasant feeling settled in her stomach and she couldn’t help the smile that was forming on her face.

 

Laura led Carmilla to a small 6 channel digital mixer. Carmilla glanced over it quickly as well as all the gear on stage. There was a Martin sitting on a guitar stand, a mic on a boom, and then two other mics on mic stands. All the cables connecting them to the board were in knots on the stage. Carmilla was offended just looking at the mess. However, she saw that everything on the board was plugged in properly, but in less than five second she knew exactly what the problem was.

 

She smirked at Laura.

 

“Cutie, I saw your pedal board, it was set up impeccably, how in the world are you unable to run a mixer this simple? And look at this mess of cables all over the stage! If you ever want your gear to last you have to take better care of it.” 

 

Carmilla unmuted the main out on the board, walked over to the mic on the boom stand and snapped into it. The sound came echoing through both the speakers and the one floor monitor.

 

Laura blushed a furious shade of red as she stuttered, “Well this is very different than my guitar stuff! I don’t have any experience with it, and whenever I ask questions the stupid guys who are working it always make me feel dumb! And how in the world are you supposed to keep cables neat on a stage this small!”

 

She paused to take a breath before continuing. 

 

“And now here I am, still looking stupid! Did you even do anything to fix it? I literally didn’t even see you press a button. Are you a sound magician or something? And why are you calling me cutie? Isn’t that a bit much?”

 

Carmilla chuckled to herself. She loved this, Laura being all flustered while she got to save the day. Before she could stop herself she heard herself saying, “That is a crime. This stage is a crime. I will have to teach you some stuff, because a beautiful girl such as yourself should never look dumb in front of stupid guys. They probably don’t even know what they’re doing anyways.”

 

Carmilla began reorganizing the cables on the stage. She straightened them out and laid them in neat lines. She knew if she didn’t fix them it would cause her an unnecessary amount of anxiety the whole night. It had nothing at all to do with helping Laura.

 

“Hey cupcake go sing into the mic a bit.”

 

Laura went to the mic and started humming, “ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh.”

 

Carmilla chuckled to herself as she hit a couple buttons on the mixer and washed Laura’s voice with a warm spring reverb and a light compressor, and suddenly her voice filled the room and sounded much fuller, right as she went into, “In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight” in a dramatic falsetto.

 

Carmilla laughed out loud then and shook her head. This girl was something else, still Carmilla didn’t understand how she could be so drawn to someone she barely knew.

 

“You’re good cupcake, and everything sounds a lot better now too. I’m going to get some coffee, and it better be on the house because of all the work I’ve done here, plus those prices are outrageous.” 

 

With that she hopped off the stage in the midst of the people milling about, and wandered back to the coffee bar. She glanced back at Laura and saw the girl avert her eyes quickly. So the leather pants had been a nice choice.

 

Right before she was ready to order she heard Laura’s voice through the microphone, “Hey Laf! Give the girl who is about to order whatever she wants for free, she totally just saved my stupid ass.” The barista with the shock of red hair shrugged their shoulders and proceeded to take Carmilla’s order as she smirked to herself. Nothing like pressing one button and doing a quick soundcheck to get a free drink.

 

As she waited for her latte to be finished she heard Laura’s voice again. Carmilla looked to the stage and saw her sitting on a stool with the Martin in her lap.

 

“Hey everyone! Thanks for coming out to another open mic night here at  _ Silas, Coffee, and Tea _ ! Sorry for starting a little late tonight! I’m going to open us up with some of my new favorite songs!”

 

Carmilla sat down with a mug in a chair that was situated by itself with a clear view of the stage. With a clear view of Laura. Laura began strumming softly on the acoustic. When she began to sing, Carmilla closed her eyes a little and smiled. She was reminded again of the fact that Laura was good. Too good. 

 

_ We can’t make any promises now, can we babe? _

_ But you can make me a drink _

_ Dive bar on the East Side where you at? _

_ Phone lights up my nightstand in the black _

_ Come here, you can meet me in the back _

 

Carmilla had never heard this song before. but as Laura continued and she listened to the words she opened her eyes completely and looked up, and saw that Laura was looking directly at her.

 

_ Just think of the fun things we could do _

_ Cause I like you _

_ Is it cool that I said all that? _

_ Is it chill that you’re in my head? _

_ Cause I know that it’s delicate _

 

She let the words wash over her and she could see the smug grin Laura was wearing while she was singing. Carmilla immediately felt her hands tighten around her mug. It looked like her crush wasn’t entirely one sided then. She was split between feeling incredibly pleased with herself and  the fear that she was shooting through her. Musicians were a pain in the ass. She knew it. She dealt with them all the time. She had dated them. And it never ended well. The girls were too dramatic, too much.

 

Carmilla couldn’t even pick up a guitar anymore because of what the one girl had done. The one girl she had let in. The one girl she had sang to. The one girl she had wrote for. Never again.

 

_ Sometimes I wonder when you sleep _

_ Are you ever dreaming of me? _

_ Sometimes when I look into your eyes _

_ I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time _

_ Cause I like you _

 

Laura wasn’t just looking at Carmilla, but her eyes kept coming back to her. She kept on smirking. She kept on raising her eyebrows just a hair. She knew. She knew exactly what she was doing to Carmilla. Because Carmilla wasn’t hearing Laura’s voice, she was feeling it. Deep inside of her. And Carmilla wanted it, she wanted to listen to it forever. She wanted to record it, to capture it, she wanted to sing with it. Not to mention that she was also incredibly turned on.

 

Carmilla watched on as Laura finished her set. Each song entrancing her as an idea began to form in her head. She couldn’t just leave this be. But that was okay, she would only be interested in the music. Carmilla had a whole career formed around music, but she hadn’t actually felt moved by music like she had tonight in a long time. She couldn’t just let that go.

 

After Laura finished her set and invited the next act on stage she maneuvered her way over to where Carmilla was sitting. When she got there she plopped down on the armrest of the chair Carmilla was sitting on, because there was no where else for her to sit close by. She rested her hand on the back of the chair and angled her head towards Carmilla.

 

Carmilla could feel Laura’s breath on her face. She was close. Carmilla made sure she didn’t let her eyes flick down to Laura’s lips. At least more than once. Or twice.

 

“Thank you so much, for a while there I thought we were going to have to cancel. You’re the hero of the night!” 

 

She paused and leaned in closer before she continued in a low voice, “What did you think of my set?” 

 

Carmilla cleared her throat.

 

“Ahem beautiful. You are--it was--I mean--your set was really good.”

 

Laura tilted her head a little bit and grinned.

 

“You really think so, I wasn’t entirely sure about that first song.”

 

She paused and raised one eyebrow before she said, “I wasn’t sure if I sang it clearly enough.”

 

Carmilla coughed. This girl must have never heard of subtly. 

 

Carmilla loved it and she recovered quickly, nobody could out flirt her, “Ya I’m not sure, I think maybe you should sing it again for me some time. Just to make sure I get it.” 

 

She paused for a minute. Music. This is about music and only music. Certainly not about the very pretty, and very flirty girl that was sitting in her space. Time to change the subject.

 

“How long have you been hosting open mic night here?”

 

“A couple of months. I like to gig on the weekends when I can, but it doesn’t generally happen all that much. Plus pop punk is really not my style anymore. So I work here as a barista, and when the owner wanted to start an open mic night, I volunteered to run it every Tuesday. It’s my favorite night of the week! Do you play? You should play! You can use my guitar if you want.”

 

Carmilla hesitated for a moment, but just a moment. “No I don’t really sing, and I don’t have anything prepared to play.” She shrugged.

 

“Maybe next time then.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

Just then the guy playing  _ Wonderwall  _ started wrapping up and Laura jumped up to go introduce the musician who would play next. Carmilla hoped she would come back.

 

And she did. But this time as she was walking back she grabbed another chair and situated it next to Carmilla’s. Carmilla tried to quell her disappointment, but she guessed that Laura didn’t want to sit on the armrest of her chair the whole night. Even though she would have been more than okay with that. And that’s how the night went from there. Bits of conversation stolen amidst the hopes and dreams of wanna be singer songwriters. 

 

Laura graduated from college with a journalism degree a couple years ago, but after just two months of writing click bait articles she couldn’t handle it anymore. She quit and started working as a barista. Oh the life of a millennial. But that gave her time to reconnect with the music she had gotten into when she was younger, and she started playing guitar again.

 

“Honestly I’m not upset with where my life is right now,” Laura said to her a couple hours into the night, “But I don’t want to be doing this forever. You know? I think I might actually want to pursue music, but I’m not sure how to do that. I write a little, but I’m not in my own band, and I don’t really know what to do with the songs once they’re finished.”

 

“Well cutie, you’re in luck because that’s my specialty. Knowing just what to do with songs.”

 

Laura’s eyes widened, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

 

“I have a studio at my house if you’re interested in tracking some demos or something. Maybe we could work together. Plus I told you that I would teach you some things about sound tech, that would be a great chance to do that.”  _ Just about the music, it’s just about the music _ .

 

Carmilla jumped a little when she felt soft lips pressed against her cheek. Laura held Carmilla’s face in her hands tightly, “You are officially my favorite person in the world.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. I'm not going to apologize, Taylor Swift's new album gives me life, and the songs from it are going to be scattered throughout this fic. The one I used for this chapter is Delicate. Also, I think my professors in college would be so proud to know that the only way I am using my music production degree right now is to write this. Go college!!! Have a nice day, also you can visit me on tumblr at still-cookiedough. Also I don't know how to put a link on here so...ya if you do please let me know!


	3. In The Studio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura comes to visit Carmilla's studio, some cuddles may ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, here it is. Now let me warn you, Taylor Swift and Hayley Williams are mentioned in this chapter. If you have severe problems with either of those ladies and will get mad at me for mentioning them, please for the love of all that is good, don't read this chapter. Otherwise please enjoy! In my personal and completely biased opinion, this chapter is when it gets good!

Carmilla was nervous. She shouldn’t be nervous. But she was nervous.

 

She was scrolling through her conversation with Laura on her phone, and she didn’t even know why. It was Friday and it had been a week and a half since she had seen Laura, and that night she was coming over to visit her home studio. Carmilla had been running sound at a gig this past Tuesday and she had unfortunately missed open mic night. She had been trying not to think about Laura all week, but now she would finally get to see her again. 

 

Carmilla read through the messages. Yes, she had given Laura the right address, yes she had said 6 pm, and yes she had told Laura to come around the back of the house to the basement entrance where her studio was. 

 

Carmilla jumped when she heard the knock on the door. Laura.

 

The door opened and there was Laura Hollis carrying her guitar case, wearing a big smile and a pair of ripped jeans and a flannel underneath the same jeans jacket she had worn the night they met. Carmilla wasn’t one hundred percent certain that Laura wasn’t straight, but she was pretty sure.

 

“Carm!” She pushed her way in, put her guitar down and wrapped her arms around Carmilla in a tight hug. Before Carmilla could even hug her back Laura released her. It was too fast in Carmilla’s opinion. “I can’t wait to see your studio!”

 

Carmilla chuckled to herself, “Alright cutie, let’s go.”

 

Carmilla grabbed Laura’s hand on a whim and began leading her through her studio. There was a small living space right in the entry, with a comfy couch and posters of various musical acts up on the walls. Then past that there was a hallway that ran through the rest of the space with a large tracking room to the right and the control room to the left. With a smaller vocal booth off to to the side of the control room. Carmilla pulled Laura through the whole space showing her the best microphones she owned and some of her favorite guitars that were hanging on the walls. Carmilla winced at the dust on her fingers when she brushed the piano keys in the tracking room. She loved this space, she really did, but she hadn’t had a lot of people in recently.

 

“My mom passed away about five years ago and left me a pretty sizable inheritance. I had just finished a six month music tech program, and all I could think about was recording and producing music. She was a music producer, and she worked with some amazing people. I wanted that. So I built this place.”

 

“Wow that’s amazing! And have you been able to? Work with amazing artists I mean?”

 

“For a while I did...and then…” Carmilla let her sentence run off and she shrugged, “Sometimes when our dreams come true we realize that’s not what we actually wanted to begin with. I don’t do a lot of recording here anymore, mainly I just work on my own, mixing tracks other people send me.”

 

“Oh.” Laura said softly. 

 

Carmilla nodded to Laura’s acoustic, “I’m a little surprised you didn’t bring your electric. You really killed it with  _ The Zeta Bros _ , even though they suck.”

 

Laura laughed and Carmilla felt her heart pick up it’s pace, “Ya that’s what I started on actually. But I’ve been more into acoustic and folk stuff recently.”

 

Carmilla nodded, “I bet you were a huge Paramore fan right?”

 

This time when Laura laughed she threw her head back and Carmilla died a little. 

 

“You have no idea. Hayley Williams was the reason I realized I was a lesbian.”

 

Carmilla’s chest flooded with warmth and she couldn’t help the big smile on her face, “For me it was Taylor Swift.”

 

Laura’s smile immediately matched Carmilla’s at her words, “You, Taylor Swift? I don’t believe it! I thought you would be too hardcore for that!”

 

“Oh for sure I pretended to be, I was a closeted Swift fan, so to speak.” 

 

She winked, “But now I’m out, you know, there’s no reason to hide.” 

 

They both couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at Carmilla’s not so hidden double meaning. 

 

“Honestly though I will always defend Taylor Swift, in my professional opinion I can tell you that her songwriting and her production is not rivaled by anyone in the industry. Words aren’t easy to write, and hers aren’t only beautiful, but they’re relatable too.”

 

“I can’t argue with you there.”

 

“So do you have a song you would like to track? Maybe something you want to play for me, and we can see what we can do with it?”

 

“Sure!” Laura responded.

 

Laura unclipped her guitar case and pulled out her mahogany Martin, the same one she played at Open Mic Night. She put the strap over her head and grabbed a capo and a pick out of the pocket of the guitar case and sat down on a stool. Carmilla took a seat in the chair in front of the computer desk and moved so that she was facing her. 

 

“Okay so here’s the thing. I haven’t been able to write anything in so long. I don’t know why I’ve just been blocked. But I wrote this last week. I guess I just got inspired. And maybe it’s just because I just wrote it, but I think it might actually be good. And I’m always really scared to play anything I write in front of other people. So please be gentle. And if it’s really not good please just tell me, don’t worry about hurting my feelings I would rather know it was good then--”

 

Carmilla put a hand on Laura’s arm. 

 

“Cupcake, just play the song.”

 

Laura let out a big breath and nodded.

 

She began playing. And soon she started singing.

 

_ You should take it as a compliment _

_ That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk _

_ You should think about the consequence _

_ Of your magnetic field being a little too strong _

_ You’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much _

 

The melody was catchy and the words rolled off of Laura’s tongue. God, Carmilla really shouldn’t think about Laura’s tongue.

 

_ You’re so gorgeous _

_ I can’t say anything to your face _

_ Cause look at your face _

_ And I’m so furious _

_ At you for making me feel this way _

_ But what can I say? _

_ You’re gorgeous _

 

The hook was strong, like really strong. And Laura’s voice suited it perfectly. But as she was analyzing the song the meaning of the lyrics hit Carmilla. And she did a little math. Laura said that she wrote this last week? As in right after she met Carmilla? Is there any way--no. Surely Laura didn’t write this about Carmilla? Carmilla decided to focus on the song itself and not take the lyrics to be too flirtatious. Even though she could see the flush that was deepening in Laura’s cheeks as she sang.

 

_ If you got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her _

_ But if you’re single, it’s honestly worse _

_ Cause you’re so gorgeous, it actually hurts _

 

Maybe Carmilla did want this song to be about her. It definitely would boost her ego. 

 

_ You make me so happy, it turns back to sad _

_ There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have _

_ You are so gorgeous, it makes me so mad _

 

Laura finished the song, she hadn’t really looked at Carmilla as she sang and now she let her eyes focus on her again, “Sooo?” She drew the small word out.

 

“Damn Laura, that was good. Like really good. Like Taylor Swift good.”

 

Laura blushed furiously, “I bet you say that to all the pretty girls.”

 

“Maybe sometimes, but I mean it this time. For real. Come on let’s get a scratch of it.”

 

Carmilla stood up and started grabbing various gear around the studio to set up.

 

“Hey Carm, not to sound stupid, but what the heck is a scratch?”

 

Carmilla turned to Laura, who had an adorable scrunched up expression on her face.

 

“Oh sorry, that just means we’ll get a simple recording of your vocals and acoustic right now, and we can map out the song, and then we can add the other parts from there. Don’t worry about what we record today, because for a final mix we would have to redo it anyways. Let’s go ahead and grab the acoustic first and then we’ll record your vocals.”

 

Carmilla got up and grabbed a basic condenser microphone, that she could use for both the acoustic and Laura’s vocals. She could have easily gotten another mic and tracked both Laura’s vocals and acoustic at the same time, but she decided not to. Maybe because she got to keep Laura around for a little longer this way.

 

Once Laura was seated in the tracking room she popped the headphones on and Carmilla spoke into the talkback microphone, “Can you hear me cutie?”

 

“I just want to let you know that if a guy ever called me “cutie” I would punch him in the throat. And it would hurt, I know krav maga.”

 

Carmilla laughed, “Well I guess it’s good that I’m not a guy then. How are your levels, Laaaaura,” she dragged out her name dramatically. 

 

BREAK

 

As they recorded the song, Carmilla couldn’t help but have fun. Laura was naturally adorable, and Carmilla realized that she not only loved working with her, but she liked being with her too. She was really connecting with the song as well. A million different ideas for what they could do with it spun through her head as they finished up Laura’s vocals. She could hear the 80’s synths and poppy electronic drum kit that she wanted to use in her head. She was happy, content even, hopefully Laura wanted to work on this song with her.

 

Laura came back into the control room when everything was done, as she walked in Carmilla was creating new tracks on the project they were working on, and she pulled up a few different synthesizers on the computer. She rolled her chair over to the keyboard that was placed to the side and she started to play around with different sounds while what they just recorded played in the background. She couldn’t help singing some harmonies over top of the song, experimenting with what sounded best.

 

After a little while she looked up and saw Laura looking at her, mouth agape. 

 

“What?”

 

“You! You’re really good! And I thought you said that you couldn’t sing, your voice is amazing!”

 

Carmilla smiled and blushed a little at the compliment, “Well I have a few ideas for what directions we can take the song, if you’re interested in working more with me on it?”

 

“Interested! Are you kidding? You are a dream, I don’t know how to do any of this, and you are so good!”

 

Carmilla couldn’t help but smile. This girl was so pure, and so talented and she didn’t even know it. She already knew that this was one of the greatest songs she had ever worked on. In fact she was itching to be able to write with Laura, if the girl could pull something like this off by herself, Carmilla wondered what they could do together.

 

Carmilla turned back to the keyboard and started to walk Laura through some of her ideas for the song. Laura latched on and immediately provided Carmilla with great feedback. As Carmilla shared what she had in mind, Laura was able to riff off of that in a bunch of different directions, and the song continued to grow and become more interesting. They did that for hours until Carmilla heard Laura’s stomach grumble. Carmilla glanced at the clock and realized that it was past 10.

 

“Woooah, I didn’t realize it was that late! I didn’t even eat dinner,” Laura said, echoing Carmilla’s thoughts exactly.

 

“Me either, we could order some pizza?”

 

* * *

 

Thirty minutes later, Carmilla grabbed two plates out of the cupboard. They had moved upstairs to the main part of her house. She opened the box of vegetarian pizza (Laura’s choice), and they both slid three pieces onto their plates. Carmilla always appreciated it when a girl went for three slices instead of two.

 

“Wanna watch a movie or something?” Carmilla said around bites of pizza.

 

Laura nodded enthusiastically and they headed into the living room. Carmilla turned on Netflix and they began scrolling.

 

“Have you seen  _ Stranger Things _ ,” Carmilla asked.

 

“I heard it was kind of scary so honestly I was kind of waiting to watch it with someone else.”

 

“I’ve heard a lot about it, but haven’t actually watched it, should we try it?”

 

“Sure!”

 

Three episodes, one pizza, and two bags of popcorn later Laura had somehow managed to become glued to Carmilla’s side on the couch, both of them tucked underneath Carmilla’s favorite blanket. And Carmilla found that her arm was around Laura, and Laura was snoozing softly on her shoulder. Carmilla couldn’t help but stay like that for a moment before she needed to wake Laura up. It felt good, amazing even. It had been so long since she had been close to a girl, she hadn’t let anyone even remotely near her since the girl who broke her heart. She couldn’t convince herself that it was worth it. But there was something about Laura, all Carmilla wanted was to be close to her.

 

“Cupcake,” she whispered as she gently nudged Laura.

 

Laura let out a slow groan, pressed herself closer and turned her head and nuzzled it into Carmilla’s neck. That was a nice feeling. She felt her own eyes drooping closed. If she didn’t stop herself, she would probably just fall--asleep.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What! Carm fell asleep? 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at still-cookiedough (which I still don't know how to link to I'm sorry that I'm dumb) and let's become friends!


	4. Well That Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of accidental cuddles, Carmilla and Laura spend more and more time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me a little longer to post then planned, but alas! Please enjoy :)

Carmilla slowly opened her eyes. She felt her hair tickling her nose, and she blew it out of her face. Then a head resting on her chest wiggled slightly. Oh. There was a head resting on her chest. She looked down and saw none other than Laura Hollis sprawled out on top of her, and that’s when she realized that she had lost circulation to most parts of her body. So that wasn’t her own hair in her face.

 

It had seemed that some time in the middle of the night they had moved from sitting up and napping, to laying down and sleeping. There was a blanket wrapped half hazardly around them and Carmilla could feel the sunshine coming through the window. 

 

So it seemed that they had an impromptu sleepover. 

 

Carmilla gently began to run her fingers through Laura’s hair, it was soft and her fingers moved through it easily. At her touch Laura nuzzled her head further into Carmilla then she turned her face slightly and cracked open her eyes. As she opened her eyes her small satisfied grin dropped and her mouth was hanging open.

 

She jumped up and Carmilla felt the lost warmth immediately. It’s not very often that she wakes up cuddling a cute girl. It was something she could get used to. 

 

“Oh my goodness! What time is it? I didn’t mean to fall asleep? And look it’s day time! Oh it’s day time! What time is it? 8? 8 o’clock? I was supposed to be at work an hour ago! Laf is going to kill me! I’m so sorry! I need to go!”

 

And with that Laura began dashing through the house and gathering her things. Her jean jacket lay discarded on a chair in the kitchen and she quickly picked it up. Her converse were sitting on the rug by the basement door and she grabbed them and started lacing them up. 

 

“Do you want some breakfast, or a change of clothes, can I get you anything?” Carmilla asked as she slowly sat up and leaned over the couch to watch Laura’s harried movements.

 

“No no no, that’s alright, I really just need to go!”

 

Carmilla stood up and made her way to the door behind Laura. But before Carmilla could blink Laura was opening up her front door and then she was gone. As Carmilla was about to turn away the door flew open again. Laura flew back in the house and tackled Carmilla so hard that she almost fell backwards.

 

“Thank you so much, last night was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and I would love to finish the song with you. You are so amazing and so talented and so beautiful. Crap did I just say beautiful? Anyways, let me know if you want to continue working together, I can’t say thank you enough. And if we do this again I promise I’ll buy the pizza. I’m sorry that I’m leaving in such a rush like this.” 

 

Carmilla felt warm lips on her cheek, and her insides melted. Laura lingered there for a while then whispered in her ear, “Bye.” Then she left so quickly Carmilla wondered if she had imagined that happening.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla and Laura met again to work on the song. This time it involved chinese food, and a couple more episodes of Stranger Things. Then they met again. Then a few more times. They ran out of Stranger Things episodes soon and moved on to re-watching Orphan Black together. Daily visits to  _ Silas, Coffee, and Tea _ became part of Carmilla’s routine, she told herself it was for the coffee, but she seemed to only go on the days Laura was working. 

 

Carmilla had gone to every open mic night following their first recording session. She came to listen to Laura open it up, but she stayed because they chatted afterwards. Carmilla knew that on any other song she would have been done ages ago. But she couldn’t help but draw out the process. She kept on listening to the track to try to come up with some new idea. But she was afraid it was almost done.

 

“Alright Cupcake, do you want to take a lunch break? We can break out the panini maker again? Maybe throw together some smoothies like last time?”

 

It was Saturday afternoon and Laura had just finished tracking lead vocals. All they had to do were the backing vocals and then they would be done with the song except for mixing and mastering.

 

“That would be great,” Laura grinned at Carmilla and grabbed her hand as they went upstairs. That had been happening a lot, casual touches and hand holding. And although there hadn’t been any more sleepovers after the first night, they always ended up cuddling when watching shows together. There were many blankets in the house, but they only needed one. 

 

Carmilla didn’t really know what she was doing. She was desperate to keep the music project going because that was how she convinced herself that she wasn’t falling for Laura. No, she was falling for Laura’s music. They were music partners nothing more. And that’s why Carmilla had to get Laura to partner with her on another project after this one was done. 

 

After lunch they were lounging on the couch, they had agreed to watch one episode of Brooklyn 99 before they went back to the studio to finish up for the day. Carmilla was sitting with her feet propped up and Laura was laying down with her head in her lap. Without even thinking Carmilla ran her hands through Laura’s hair.

 

“Caaaaarm, you’re not even watching!”

 

It was true, she had already seen this episode, she had Laura’s phone in her hand and she was scrolling through her music, trying to find something to make fun of. Laura sat up and looked over Carmilla’s shoulder to see what she was doing. 

 

“I’m pretty sure you know my musical taste, we certainly talk about it too much.”

 

Carmilla stopped breathing. Her finger hovered over a song,  _ Love Me Like You Do _ , and every pleasant thought that she had in the moment vanished. Laura looked at her questioningly, she must have felt Carmilla tense up.

 

“Carm?” Laura then looked back at what Carmilla was looking at, “I mean it’s not the greatest song, but it’s a bit of a guilty pleasure. Plus Elle has such an amazing voice.”

 

Carmilla tossed Laura’s phone on the couch and jumped up, surprising Laura and causing her to fall a little because she had been leaning her weight on Carmilla. But Carmilla barely noticed as she began walking down to the studio. The episode of Brooklyn 99 continued to play as she called out, “Come on let’s finish the song.”

 

“Carm, wait!” Carmilla felt Laura grab her arm and turn her around. Carmilla couldn’t look at her, she focused her eyes on the tv behind her. She let out a sigh.

 

“Hey, just tell me what’s wrong,” Laura almost whispered the words.

 

Carmilla slowly walked back to the couch and sat down, she turned off the television with a click of the remote and pulled up her own phone as Laura settled next to her, placing her hand gently on Carmilla’s leg. She pulled up the web browser on her phone and typed in the name of  _ Love Me Like You Do,  _ followed by “songwriters” in the search bar. When the results came up she handed the phone to Laura.

 

There were two names listed. Elle Sheridan and Carmilla Karnstein. Carmilla watched Laura’s face as everything clicked into place.

 

“A couple years ago I was already working with a few different producers and songwriters, and Elle’s agent set her up to write with me. In our first session we didn’t even write a decent hook, but we went on a date that night. It was a whirlwind from there, when I look back on that time in my life I can barely even recall the order of what happened. I fell hard and fast and she consumed me, we wrote together, mostly awful stuff, but then one night we struck gold,” 

 

Carmilla motioned towards the phone, “We wrote that whole song in one session, and we both knew that it might be something as soon as we were done.”

 

Laura moved her fingers along her leg softly as she spoke, encouraging her to continue. 

“Shortly after we wrote the song, it’s your run of the mill fame sob story from there. We were nobodies, but then Elle got signed for a big deal. Huge parties in LA, expensive clothes, easy access to drugs, everyone fawning for her attention, and Elle had always loved attention. I had liked that about her, when it was attention from me. It was my birthday, she was supposed to fly back here to Nashville, and she missed it. Instead I saw on her instagram pictures of her doing shots with various attractive girls and guys all over her.”

 

Carmilla stopped to look Laura, then she got up and started to pace. 

 

“I held on too long after that, but that’s when I knew. Elle was different, she had changed, and honestly she didn’t want to be with me anymore, musically or otherwise. Eventually we had a huge fight and I told her to never contact me again. And she didn’t until her lawyer contacted me for permission to release the song. Maybe I should thank her, most breakups don’t come with thousands of dollars.”

 

Carmilla stopped pacing and looked up. She had been focused on the ground, but now she could see directly into Laura’s eyes. She saw her own pain and heartbreak reflecting back at her. 

 

“I didn’t want to write after that, I couldn’t write. Not even an angry break up song. I stopped working with other artists, I felt like the part of me that wanted to make music was dead. She had drained it out of me. I tried to find as much work outside of my own studio as possible. Because I couldn’t be there without seeing her. I promised myself that I wouldn’t be with another musician again.”

 

Laura looked taken aback at that. But that didn’t stop her from standing up and wrapping her arms around Carmilla. She slowly rubbed circles into her back. 

 

“Thank you so much for opening up your studio again for me. This time working with you has meant more to me than you could possibly know. I didn’t even know what kind of music I wanted to make. I didn’t even know that I could make music like this.”

 

Carmilla closed her eyes and turned her face into Laura’s neck, “It was you, you know?” 

 

She moved her head back and looked Laura straight in the eyes, “That made me fall in love with music again. Hearing you sing at open mic night that first time, I knew I had to work with you, because I could finally feel the music again, and I couldn’t let that go.”

 

She had just fallen in love with the music right? Not Laura herself?

 

Laura pulled her hand up to trace Carmilla’s face lightly with her fingertips, “Carm, I had never felt music before you, I had only ever been able to hear it.”

 

* * *

 

Carmilla pressed the spacebar on the computer as the song finished playing, “So what do you think?”

 

“Carm, it’s perfect! Everything we did on it, and you brought it all together! This is it! This is the final mix, I can feel it!”

 

“That’s what I thought, but I wanted to confirm it with you.”

 

Laura leaned over and gave Carmilla a tight hug, “Thank you so much.”

 

When Laura pulled back they stared at each other for a moment, at a loss for words, Carmilla decided it was now or never. She had to find a way to keep working with Laura. 

 

“So cutie, what in particular would you like to do with this song? Are you going to release it, like as a single, or do you want to do an EP or even a full length album?”

 

Laura bit her bottom lip and looked down, thinking. Carmilla tried not to stare. But she wasn’t successful. Sometimes Laura was sexy on purpose, but most of the time it was a happy coincidence.

 

“I don’t know Carm,” she ran her fingers through her hair and let out a sigh. 

 

“I have maybe two other songs that could go on a project with this one. But honestly I don’t think they’re as good. I’m wondering if this song was just a fluke. Maybe I can’t write another good song.”

 

“If you can write one good song you can write another. Trust me, I’ve been where you’re at. Sometimes you just need some new inspiration or some outside help.”

 

Laura tilted her head, “Carm. Would you like to write with me? I know you have some bad experiences writing? Like with Elle and everything. And if you don’t want to it’s fine. But honestly you’re the only person in the world I can imagine writing with, and I don’t even know who else I could ask. I don’t think I even know anyone half as talented as you are. Still it’s fine if you can’t or you don’t want to or whatever, but really I would like to try to work on a EP or something, but I don’t think I can do it without you.”

 

Carmilla knew that was coming. She had been leading the conversation there, she had hinted at it. But the moment the words were out, once the offer was on the table, she didn’t know if she could go through this again. Laura was looking at her and her eyes were full of vulnerability, and Carmilla could see that she was really afraid that she would say no. But how in the world could Carmilla turn Laura down? 

 

Carmilla could do this, it could just be about the music. She would focus on the songs, and the production, not her relationship with Laura. Because she didn’t have a relationship with Laura. Maybe she had feelings for her, but they weren’t going beyond a normal friendship. Sure she was attracted to Laura, but who wouldn’t be? The girl was perfection. But Carmilla could keep that in check, because she couldn’t say goodbye to Laura, she could make it platonic. And if they stopped working together, Carmilla was afraid she would have to say goodbye. 

 

“I think I would like that very much.”

 

Laura’s face burst into a grin and she threw her hands around Carmilla’s neck. Carmilla was ready for her and wrapped her arms around her waist, bringing her as close as she possibly could. She couldn’t help but revel in the way Laura’s body felt against hers. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it for as long as she could before Laura pulled away. In the back of her head she could hear a small voice mocking her. Platonic, right.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla was sitting at the piano in the main tracking room playing around on the keys. It was an old upright but it had this classic sound that sounded really cool. She heard the door open and turned to see Laura rushing in. 

 

“Sorry I’m late! Traffic, blah blah blah, you know, did you get the transfer file I sent you with the three different songs I have partially put together? One of them is newish, I’ve been working on it the past couple weeks.” 

 

Carmilla didn’t know when Laura had stopped ringing the doorbell, but she liked it better this way, “Ya I got the file, but I haven’t had the chance to listen yet, but I have this cool hook that I thought might be fun to work with if you don’t mind.”

 

“Sounds good, let me hear it!” 

 

Laura settled down on the piano bench next to Carmilla, there legs pressed together. Carmilla took a moment to try to slow down her racing pulse before she started playing.

 

_ They say I did something bad, ah _

_ Then why’s it feel so good? _

_ They say I did something bad, ah _

_ But why’s it feel so good? _

 

Carmilla laughed a little, “Sorry I guess it’s not much, but I don’t know I like the way it sounds, I think it could be a really sweet chorus.”

 

Carmilla watched as Laura squinted slightly, she seemed to be thinking.

 

“Hmmm ya that’s great I think we need to add a few more lines onto it to be a full chorus. Play it through again, then play the chord progression without singing.”

 

Carmilla did as she asked and when she started to repeat the chord progression she stopped singing and Laura started singing a few mumbled words overtop. 

 

“Oh ya I get what you’re doing there,” Carmilla said.

 

They did that a few more times, playing around with different word combinations, trying to figure out what felt right. Until Laura clapped her hands together. 

 

“Ooooh I think I’ve got it. Go ahead play it through one more time.” 

 

When Carmilla got to the second half of the chorus, Laura started singing:

 

_ Most fun I ever had, ah _

_ And I’d do it over and over and over again if I could _

_ It just felt so good, good _

 

“Yes! That’s it!” 

 

Carmilla turned her head and then she realized just how close Laura was. Their faces weren’t even an inch apart. Laura’s eyes flicked down to her mouth, Carmilla felt herself do the same. 

 

_ Pull away, pull away. _

 

But before she could convince herself to do so Laura’s lips were on hers. Carmilla responded immediately. Her hands moved from the piano keys to frame Laura’s face. She felt Laura’s fingers work their way around her waist, pushing her shirt up slightly to brush her skin. Chills raced down Carmilla’s spine. 

 

This was better than she had ever imagined, and she had been unsuccessfully trying not to think about it since the day she met Laura. Her body filled with warmth as she felt Laura’s tongue slip into her mouth. Carmilla slid her hands down Laura’s back and grasped her hips tightly as Laura kicked her leg over so that she could straddle Carmilla and pressed her hips down onto her lap.

 

The motion pushed the piano bench so that only the back two legs were on the floor. It wasn’t exactly build for this. Even as Laura’s lips were moving against her’s Carmilla could feel the room start to shift. She wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist tightly, trying to regain some form of balance, but the quick movement only made the bench move more.

 

Laura bit Carmilla’s bottom lip just as the piano bench tipped and they went toppling on the ground.

 

“Umph.” 

 

Laura was once again laying face down on top of her, and Carmilla heard her giggle slightly.

 

Laura pushed herself up slightly, her hands resting on Carmilla shoulders, she was just starting to smile when her phone starting buzzing from on top of the piano. They stared at each other for another second.

 

“You gonna get that Cupcake?”

 

“Oh ya of course, just let me…” Laura scrambled up, and ran to get her phone. She had accidentally brushed Carmilla’s breast getting up and Carmilla tried to suppress the jolt of warmth that spread through her. She didn’t think now was the time, but she really wouldn’t mind having Laura back on top of her at that moment.

 

“Hey Laf, ya, okay, no I’m really kinda busy right now. Umm no not that, I’m in a write! Yes with her but--” Carmilla couldn’t help but smirk as Laura blushed a furious red.

 

“You know what Laf I guess I will come in, but you owe me big time. And no it’s not fancy to call a writing session a write, that’s what all the musicy people do! So stop making fun of me! I’m hanging up now.”

 

Laura sighed, “Carm I’m so sorry I really have to go.” 

 

She grabbed her stuff and ran to the door. As she was leaving she turned her head and said with a smirk, “I guess we can continue this later.” 

 

She winked and she was gone.

 

Carmilla reached up and brushed her lips with her fingertips, still unable to believe what had just happened. When she pulled her hand back she noticed that her bottom lip was bleeding slightly. She couldn’t help but laugh, Laura must have bitten her lip a little too hard when they fell.

 

She couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. Until she realized two things. First that she was still on the floor and she was pretty sure she had a bruise on her tailbone. And second, that she had just kissed Laura Hollis. 

 

She was screwed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, I struggled a bit with this chapter. Let me know your thoughts! And if you want to become friends find me over at still-cookiedough on tumblr. 
> 
> Also the song Elle and Carmilla "wrote" together is kind of a reference to Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding....because Elle and Ellie are similar...and the song kind of fit, but whatever!


	5. Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the kiss Carmilla doesn't know what is going on with Laura, she's confused and unsure of what to do. As usual music and mayhem ensue. Can these two idiots figure things out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a really long time! I had a version of this chapter written from over a month ago, but it was real bad and needed some serious work, and my life had been a little crazy. Soooo anyways, please enjoy, I actually like how this chapter turned out, leave a comment and tell me what you liked or didn't like if you want :)

Carmilla was laying down on her bed staring at the swirls in the ceiling, she had probably had one too many glasses of wine that night. But she was by herself, it’s not like there was that much damage she could do. Her fingers sprawled out over the strings on the neck of the guitar in her hands. She softly plucked them, chords forming almost of their own volition. Images of Laura with flushed cheeks and swollen lips swimming in her brain from their kiss earlier.

 

_ I, I loved you in secret _

_ First sight, yeah, we love without reason _

_ Oh, twenty-five years old _

_ Oh, how were you to know? _

_ And my, my love had been frozen _

_ Deep blue, but you painted me golden _

_ Oh, and you held me close _

_ Oh, how was I to know? _

 

The lyrics flew straight from her heart and out of her mouth, her brain not even processing them. Sometimes writing songs came more naturally than others. The emotions rolling in her stomach made it easier, they always did. She couldn’t deny anymore how much she wanted Laura, more than a business partner, more than a musician, more than a friend. Carmilla wanted to love her.

 

_ I could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets _

_ Picture of your face in an invisible locket _

_ You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it _

_ I had a bad feeling _

 

But Carmilla didn’t know if she could do it. She didn’t know if she could take the risk. The heartbreak after Elle had nearly killed her, it had even taken away her passion for music, she was left with nothing. And she knew, she really did, that Laura was nothing like Elle, but Carmilla wasn’t worried about Laura, she was worried about the music industry. It changed people, and it tore them apart.

 

* * *

 

**Cupcake:** Hey we’re still on for tonight right?

 

**Carmilla:** Hmmm, to what are you referring to?

 

**Cupcake:** Carm, I know you’re joking but it’s not funny, you know I haven’t played any originals for open mic yet!

 

**Carmilla:** I’ll be there, with my Larrivee, and we’ll play  _ Gorgeous,  _ and we will be the best ones performing.

 

**Cupcake:** You know you’re the best when you’re not busy being the worst

 

**Carmilla:** ;)

 

Carmilla once again sat inside her car outside  _ Silas, Coffee, and Tea _ . This time she was early, but she planned on being early, to help support Laura. She decided to just let the situation continue to play out, she wasn’t going to try to change anything about their relationship. But she couldn’t help but feel nervous.

 

It was just two days before that they had kissed, and while they hadn’t seen each other since, neither of them had mentioned it in their frequent messages either. Yet Carmilla could still recall it in vivid detail, the sensation of Laura’s lips, her hair sliding between her fingers. She couldn’t help but want more.

 

She strode in the coffee shop with her guitar case and headed for the stage where Laura was setting up. Carmilla couldn’t help but be proud, because Laura actually knew what she was doing now. At least she would no longer be dependent on douchey sound guys, Carmilla had made sure of that. She was uncoiling cables and laying them neatly on the stage, plugging a XLR cable into a mic before placing it on a boom stand. There was something undeniably sexy about a woman who knew what she was doing.

 

When Carmilla reached the small stage Laura finally saw her when she turned around, her face lit up. She was wearing a short sleeve button up with the front of it tied up to show just a sliver of her stomach. Carmilla tried not to look too long at the peak of her abs. After just a slight hesitation Laura gave her a soft hug. She wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s neck and turned her head to give her a light kiss on her cheek.

 

“I’m nervous,” Laura whispered as she pulled back.

 

“Ya me too.”

 

“Really? You still get nervous to perform.”

 

Oh. Laura was talking about the performance, Carmilla could barely even think about that. Maybe the kiss hadn’t been that big of a deal to Laura.

 

“Oh ya. I mean I think it’s good to always be a little nervous. It means you care, and it helps the performance too. As soon as you completely relax, that’s when you mess up the most.”

 

Laura grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly.

 

“I don’t know if I would have the nerve to do it without you, you’ve taught me so much, thank you.”

 

“Of course. How about I get you some coffee while you finish up here, you definitely don’t need my help with this anymore.”

 

She slid her hand out from her grasp and started walking to the coffee bar.

 

“Carm?”

 

Carmilla turned her head back, “Ya?”

 

“I mean it, you’ve done so much to help me, thank you.”

 

Carmilla just nodded and continued to walk forward. She couldn’t help but frown slightly, had she really even done that much? She appreciated the thought, but Laura’s excessive thanks left her feeling a little uneasy. 

 

Carmilla chatted with Lafontaine as they made Laura’s drink. A caramel macchiato with double the syrup and double the whip. Carmilla had taken a sip of it once and promptly decided never to do so again. 

 

She had seen Laf a lot since her and Laura started working together because she popped in to see Laura so often. Laf was the owner of  _ Silas, Coffee, and Tea _ and was consequently there pretty much whenever she stopped by.

 

As Laf pressed the button on the espresso machine Carmilla turned slightly to glance back at Laura. A pretty blonde girl stood close to her, clearly flirting. Carmilla felt a shock of fear jolt through her. For the first time she wondered if maybe Laura wasn’t interested in her that way. Sure they had kissed, but Laura hadn’t mentioned it since. She felt doubts flood her brain. Suddenly she was overthinking everything from their interaction just a moment before. The hug, the kiss on the cheek, the excessive thanking, the hand grabbing, every slight touch, every word. 

 

Carmilla tried her best to shake it off. She shouldn’t care if Laura was interested in someone else, that would actually help her out. Earlier she had decided to let this play itself out, and if Laura started dating someone else that would be that. 

 

The thought made her want to throw up.

 

“And here are your drinks, Laura’s heart attack in a cup, and your americano.”

 

Carmilla tried to school her face and not let the emotions burning in her stomach to show.

 

“I didn’t order anything though.”

 

“Come on Karnstein, it’s on me, especially after everything you’ve done for Laura.”

 

Carmilla just shrugged and took the drinks, still a little confused, what had she done for Laura except help her produce a song?

 

“Afterall it’s not every day that a hotshot A&R person from a fancy LA label comes to my little coffee shop. I can’t believe you have connections like that by the way.”

 

Carmilla looked up with a start at Laf. She had never had a panic attack before, but she felt close now. What in the frilly hell was going on?

 

“Ya that’s crazy,” she tried to pull it off like she knew what they were talking about. She needed to talk to Laura.

 

Carmilla tried not to rush her movements as she handed Laura her coffee. She took a breath, but before she could say anything at all she saw a face she had hoped to never see again. Danny Lawrence.

 

“Carmilla Karnstein, I can’t believe I’m looking at your sorry ass face again.” She stuck out her hand and Carmilla just stared at it.

 

“Well alright then, and you must be Laura Hollis,” she moved her hand to Laura who shook it with gusto. Carmilla could see the excitement brimming on her face. This was not good, not good at all.

 

“So Laura, like I said over the phone I’m here in Nashville for a week, but I’m glad I was able to make it here for your performance. If I like what I hear tonight we’ll have to meet later on to discuss a potential deal if you’re interested. Good luck. And damn Carmilla you have a way of scouting some good ones!”

 

With that all six foot two inches of her walked away. Carmilla felt everything going cold within her. How did this happen, how did everything get to be so out of her control.

 

“Come on Carm! It’s time to get started!” Laura was dragging her onto the stage before she even realized what was happening.

 

“Wait Laura, I really think we need to talk--”

 

“No time right now! We have a song to play and people to impress!”

 

Laura pressed her guitar in her hands and made her way to the microphone, and Carmilla had no choice but to follow. She just hoped she could get through the song.

 

Their performance went great, better than great actually. Even though they were playing an acoustic version, the song was so good that it didn’t really matter. Carmilla was a professional, she could play music without her emotions getting in the way. At least that’s what she discovered while performing that night. 

 

She couldn’t help the thoughts flying through her head though. She had memories of Danny Lawrence from years ago, but instead of talking to Laura she was talking to Elle. Offering her the whole world with just a signature on a dotted line. A world that Elle stepped willingly in. A world that Laura seemed eager to join.

 

They finished the song and the crowd roared. Carmilla knew many of the people there, like her, actually came to the open mic just to see Laura. She also knew that Danny Lawrence was right in wanting to sign her. Laura had the potential to be a super star, maybe even bigger the Elle Sheridan.

 

Carmilla spied Danny in the back of the room, she was a tall sharply dressed redhead, and she stood out in the sea of all the hipsters in ripped jeans. If Carmilla hadn’t known Danny, she may have even described her as hot. She was sipping a drink out of a to go cup, a small smile on her face, already converting Laura into dollar amounts. That’s all music labels wanted anyways.They didn’t care about art, or people, or integrity, all they cared about was their own bottom line.

 

Carmilla and Laura made there was off the stage as the next performer started and Danny was already walking towards them.

 

“Wow Carmilla, do you make girls audition before you start dating them? Or do you just follow bands around and pick off their top musicians one by one?”

 

Carmilla couldn’t believe it, this was the first thing Danny said to them? How unprofessional. This night was starting to seem like a bad fever dream. Strike that. A bad fever nightmare

 

Laura was flustered and bright red, and she immediately started stuttering, “Oh Carm and I aren’t dating, you know, we’ve been writing and playing together and everything, and she did produce the song that I just recorded and we’ve talked briefly about writing more together. But not dating, friends, or musical partners if you will!”

 

Carmilla knew she shouldn’t be upset by this, they hadn’t talked about anything, but she was. Maybe that’s really all they were. That’s what Carmilla had wanted from the beginning of all of this anyways, after the mess that this night had been, she wasn’t sure if she could handle any more.

 

“All right honey, whatever you say,” Danny answered, both literally and figuratively looking down at them.

 

God damn it she was such a dick.

 

“Well Laura I don’t care about your relationship status, but I do think we should meet sometime because I love the prospect of working with you in the future. Beautiful people like you who are actually talented and great writers, that is a lethal combination, plus you have incredible stage presence. The audience you have built by yourself without even trying is quite impressive. My assistant will give you a call tomorrow to set something up, and maybe we can fly you out to LA sometime soon.”

 

In a breath she was grabbing Laura’s hand for a shake and making her way out the door.

 

“By the way Carmilla, I guess I was still following you on Instagram all these years for a reason besides a good laugh!”

 

Carmilla had to get out of there, she couldn’t handle one more second in that room. It was too much. Suddenly the walls were closing in on her. Her and Laura weren’t even dating and she already felt her slipping through her fingers. 

 

She muttered something about being sick and ran out of the room as quickly as she could, only stopping to get her coat because she knew her keys were in the pockets. Her precious guitar was left forgotten on the stage.

 

As she ran, she could feel Laura behind her. At this point everything within her had gone cold, she felt nothing, she was numb. She needed to leave, to think, to process.

 

“Carmilla!” 

 

She could hear Laura shout and she caught up with her right as Carmilla had reached her car.

 

“What’s going on? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

 

Then Carmilla was surprised, because poking through the blanket of numbness she felt bubbles of anger and frustration. She had told Laura everything she had gone through with Elle, she had opened up to her, she should know. But instead she looked confused, blind sided even. And all Carmilla felt was mad. She couldn’t deal with this shit right now.

 

Carmilla took a breath before she spoke. She could not let Laura know how upset she was. So she closed her eyes briefly before forcing a smile.

 

“It’s fine Cupcake, I’m just feeling pretty sick, and I need to get home. Sorry for rushing out, but I think I could maybe throw up and I don’t want to do that here.”

 

Laura was about to say something but Carmilla cut her off, “Really it’s best for you to stay here, I like to be alone when I’m feeling sick.”

 

Before Laura could even reply Carmilla was in her car and turning the key, and as she drove away she applauded herself on only telling one lie. Because she really did feel like she might throw up, but she loved to be taken care of when she was sick.

 

Later that night Carmilla pulled up her Instagram page as she was laying in bed. Her last post was a picture of Laura in the vocal booth. She was making a silly face and hadn’t been aware that Carmilla was taking the photo from behind the glass on the other side of the door. The caption read, “Want to hear some great music? Head over to this cutie’s page @laura2theletter.” 

 

Carmilla winced, no wonder Danny assumed they were dating. As she clicked through to Laura’s page she knew why a busy person like Danny had found the time to come to a small coffee shop to listen to Laura play. Laura’s page was alive. Not only were there beautiful pictures of her, some of which Carmilla had taken, but there were also video clips featuring her songs and her voice, and the sheer magnetism that exudes from her constantly. The same thing that initially drew Carmilla to her.

 

She threw her phone and turned underneath the covers. Laura was born to play on a big stage, but that was something Carmilla couldn’t be a part of.

 

* * *

 

The following morning, or midafternoon,  since she had let herself sleep in, Carmilla braved a look at her phone. Great. Only eight messages, three missed calls, and one voice mail from Laura. She was worried and upset, but since she was Laura that turned into a lot of rambling. Carmilla sighed before typing out a message.

 

**Carmilla:** I’m sorry, I was just really feeling sick.

 

She didn’t even have to wait a minute before her phone vibrated.

 

**Cupcake:** That’s it? And you let me worry for an entire night? What the heck Carm? Is that really all it was? You’re sure you’re okay? I couldn't tell if you were angry about something.

 

**Carmilla:** Yes. Again, I’m sorry.

 

**Cupcake:** Is it cool if I come over tonight? I have a new song I would like to show you, but if you’re not feeling up to it I could make you soup or something?

 

Carmilla pulled her hand through her hair. She was so confused about everything. But if Laura was coming over to write, it could maybe still be just for the music, at least that’s how she justified saying yes. Maybe she didn’t have to let go just yet, but she needed to be more careful, and establish clear boundaries. 

 

**Carmilla:** Come over whenever you want and bring the song, I’m home all day today.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla was sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket when she heard the sound of Laura in the kitchen. She had been thinking a lot the whole day. Her and Laura had never talked about being more than friends and musical partners, Laura herself had said as much the night before. While Carmilla might want more, she decided that she would keep their relationship that way. About work, about music. 

 

If Laura wanted to write and work on songs with her, Carmilla didn’t even think she was capable of saying no. But after last night, Carmilla realized that she couldn’t go through the mayhem again. She couldn’t risk the pain.

 

“I transferred the file to you, don’t judge it too harshly I recorded it on my phone after I ran in the park,” she hollered from the kitchen, “I also have all the stuff I need to make you some borscht. I know that sounds weird but it’s this Ukrainian soup that my grandma used to make because she said it reminded her of home. And it’s supposed to be really healthy and she would make it whenever I was sick. Really it’s just a lot of beets, but I promise that it tastes good.”

 

By the end of the speech she was in the living room and had sat down next to Carmilla to give her a hug.

 

“Are you feeling better today?”

 

“Ya I’m fine. I should have let you know, you don’t have to make soup or anything, you should have texted me before you were coming so I could be ready for our songwriting session.” 

 

Laura was taken aback and she finally recognized how stiff Carmilla was in her arms. She blinked slowly at Carmilla as she pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself. 

 

“Carm, what’s wrong? Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

 

“I just...yes...I mean…”

 

“What?”

 

“I guess this just doesn’t feel that professional.”

 

Laura paused, then threw her head back and started laughing. When she realized that Carmilla wasn’t joining her she stopped abruptly. 

 

“Wait. You weren’t joking?”

 

“No. I just think maybe we mixed personal and business stuff too much. I think it would be best if we kept this arrangement strictly about the music.”

 

Laura pulled away even farther so that there was a good foot of space between them. Even as Carmilla heard herself saying the words that were the cause of the action, she missed having Laura close.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about. This has never been strictly about the music. Carmilla what is wrong with you?”

 

Carmilla had never heard Laura swear before, and that made her nervous. She didn’t know what she was expecting but she had thought this would be easier than this.

 

“It’s just like you said, we’re musical partners.”

 

“Is that what this is about?” Laura got up and started to pace, “You’re upset because I didn’t label our relationship as something different when I was talking to my potential future employer? Come on Carm! Grow up! The only reason I didn’t say anything different was because we hadn’t had a chance to talk yet! I don’t remember you spouting all of this crap about professionalism when you had your tongue down my throat!”

 

Carmilla stood up too, even if it was just to match Laura.

 

“No! That’s not the point! I just think we should go back to the way things were in the beginning, focused on the music, it’s just easier that way. That’s all this really is anyways.”

 

Laura stopped moving, and when Carmilla looked in her eyes she could see tears forming. 

 

_ Shit _ . 

 

“Focused on the music from the beginning? Like the first night you met me and spent the entire evening checking me out? Or how you came to hear a girl you barely knew play a couple covers in a coffee shop? That was for the music right? Or maybe how you recorded a song that I wrote about you? And you know you were definitely focused on the music when we fell asleep on your couch together. After we ate dinner together and watched television and cuddled, that night then every other night we worked on the song. And I know you think I don’t see. But every time you check out my ass, I know. Every damn time. And maybe it was about the music, but the music was a part of us, our relationship.”

 

She took a breath and looked at her expectantly, Carmilla spoke softly.

 

“Sometimes things just happen when you’re working creatively with someone, and it seems like more than it actually is.” 

 

No that’s not what she meant. But by the look on Laura’s face Carmilla knew that the damage had already been done.

 

“Seems like more than it is,” Laura muttered the sentence more to herself then to Carmilla.

 

Laura turned her face to the side, Carmilla could tell she was holding back tears, and she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to salvage the mess she had just created. The right words weren’t coming to her. She didn’t know what she wanted. All she knew is that Laura looked broken right in front of her eyes and she didn’t know how to fix it.

 

“I am such an idiot,” Laura muttered to herself. Then Carmilla watched her steel herself up, she could see Laura build a wall between them. Then she looked Carmilla square in the face.

 

“Did you know a girl made a pass at me last night? Even asked me out, on an actual date? I thought it was nice, so forward and out there, not very many people have the guts to do that. But she knew what she wanted and she went for it.” 

 

Carmilla remembered the pretty blonde girl, and the obvious flirting, and she knew it was wrong, but she felt flickers of jealousy at the mention of another woman with Laura. 

 

“And do you know what I told her?” Laura continued.

 

Carmilla shook her head no, still unable to form words.

 

“I told her that I was flattered but that I had a girlfriend. And I didn’t consider it to be a lie because I was sure that I would have one by the end of the night.”

 

Carmilla felt like she had been punched in the gut.

 

“Maybe it was about the music for you, but for me all the music was about you.”

 

Then Laura turned without looking back and as the door shut Carmilla couldn’t help but feel that she had just destroyed the most important thing in her life.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! Sorry, but not sorry, I think sometimes we need to have arguments to continue on in our relationships, plus that was the easiest part of this chapter to write, so I can't apologize for it. Please excuse my random reference to Ukrainian culture, that's where I was at when I first wrote this chapter and I couldn't help but throw it in, plus there are Ukrainian immigrants everywhere! So why not make that where Laura's family is from!
> 
> Also, I think my low key favorite lyrics on T's new album is "I could spend forever with my hands in your pockets", I don't know why but I think it's brilliant.
> 
> Welp, only one more chapter to go, I do have a few ideas for a part 2 or something, so you can let me know if that's something that you would be interested in. Follow me at still-cookiedough on tumblr if you want, message me and we can be friends! Or send me anon love notes! I'm a narcissist so I love that!


	6. Can We Work This Thing Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Carmilla stop being dumb and get her act together? Will Laura and Carmilla actually communicate? Will these two useless lesbians just get together already? There's only one way to find out.......

It was one in the morning and once again Carmilla was wrapping cables. It seemed that she spent half of her life doing so. Laying them in careful loops to preserve their quality, hanging them neatly on hooks. It gave her some peace of mind when her life felt like it had melted around her. Hey! At least there were no kinks in cables she was around.

 

Two weeks without Laura and her life felt empty. She didn’t even know how she had gotten so attached to her in the first place. But suddenly it felt like there was a gaping hole inside of her and she wasn’t sure how to fix it. Maybe wrapping cables was a place to start though.

 

“Karnstein!”

 

Carmilla looked up to where Mel was finishing wiping down the bar.

 

“Need a drink? It looks like someone kicked your puppy!”

 

Carmilla looked around the stage at the Lustig and realized that she had finished cleaning up. She also realized that she could definitely use a drink. So she made her way over to the bar.

 

“That would be great Mel, thanks.”

 

Mel got a glass out and poured some bourbon in it and pushed it towards her.

 

“What was the name of your puppy again?”

 

Carmilla quirked an eyebrow at Mel as she took a large gulp of her drink.

 

“Wasn’t it, Laura Hollis?”

 

With a huff Carmilla slammed the glass down and turned to get up, but before she could Mel grabbed her arm.

 

“Cool it Karnstein, I was kidding. You guys were dating or something weren’t you? Is that what this whole sad vampire look you have going on right now is about?”

 

Carmilla muttered to herself, deciding whether or not it was worth it to have this conversation with Mel. She looked at the drink on the bar and sighed. What the hell.

 

“We weren’t dating.” She said under her breath.

 

“Really now? When she came in here with you a couple weeks back to help you set up and everything I could have sworn I saw lots of heart eyes between the two of you.” 

 

Mel had a towel flopped over her shoulder and one hip cocked slightly, and Carmilla couldn’t really meet her eyes. She sighed.

 

“I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how to fix it. And I don’t know if I even want to fix it.”

 

Mel nodded at her and filled up her drink again. “That bad huh. What did she do? She dating someone else? Have some secret back story filled with deceit and lies? Did she get eaten by some evil fish god or something?”

 

Carmilla put her head in hands. Maybe it was the drink she had but she proceeded to tell Mel everything about what happened the last time she had seen Laura. After she was done, she kept her eyes focused down on the bar, when she felt something hit her on the head. 

 

“You fucking idiot.”

 

Carmilla looked up with a start. Mel could be harsh sure, but this seemed like a little much even for her. Mel leaned across the bar and got right in her face.

 

“You find that girl. You tell her how you feel. And you make her your actual girlfriend before it’s too late. Stop being dumb.”

 

She took Carmilla’s glass away even though it wasn’t empty yet and as she turned she yelled over her shoulder, “Now get out of here, and I don’t want to see you again until you’ve wiped that sorry ass expression off your damned face!”

 

A little bewildered Carmilla stood up and started shuffling out of the door. Could Mel be right? Could it actually be that easy? She thought of all her own baggage, everything she went through with Elle, the massive fear she felt strangling her relationship with Laura. She also thought about how she hadn’t communicated any of that with Laura. Sure she had told her the story about Elle, but she hadn’t even had the guts to talk about her feelings with Laura.

 

Her thoughts were spastic the whole way home, all of them revolving around Laura, and she knew Mel was right. It wasn’t worth it. Giving into her fears wasn’t worth not being with Laura. Carmilla had to come up with a plan, something to show Laura how she felt, to show her how much she actually cared and how sorry she was that she hurt her in the first place. 

 

As soon as her car was parked she ran into her house, it was almost two in the morning, but Carmilla had to do this now. She turned on the lights in the studio and pulled up the last file Laura had transferred her. The one that she had sent right before their fight. This could be exactly what she needed.

 

She located the file and pressed play.

 

_ There’s glitter on the floor after the party _

_ Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby _

_ Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor _

_ You and me from the night before _

 

It wasn’t a good recording. Laura was slightly out of breath from the run she had just finished, and there were birds singing and wind rustling in the background. But the melody was both haunting and nostalgic, and Laura’s voice was of course sweet as she sang it.

 

_ Don’t read the last page _

_ But I stayed when you’re lost _

_ And I’m scared and you’re turning away _

_ I want your midnights _

_ But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you _

_ On New Year’s Day _

 

It was one of the prettiest songs Carmilla had ever heard. She got up and headed to the piano bench as tears welled up in her eyes. She knew. She knew Laura had written this song for her. And it was a song of promise, a song that wanted more than fleeting moments, a song that wanted something of permanence. 

 

Carmilla started picking out the chords on the piano when she thought the song was over, but before she could even press the keys down she heard the sound of Laura’s voice again.

 

“Well that’s what I have so far, I don’t know Carm, what do you think? I think it might really be something, I was just jogging and thinking about writing with you. and the holidays that are coming up, and it just kind of came out.”

 

There was another pause.

 

“I think you should know by now. Maybe this song makes it clearer. Carmilla my music is nothing without you. I’m starting to think that I don’t want to be without you period.”

 

After that the recording shut off. Carmilla could feel a tear make its way down her cheek. Then a couple more. This was what she wanted. Laura’s promise was clear in her words, this was what she wanted too. 

 

Her hands found the piano keys. She started playing out the chords and singing the melody that Laura had written. And the words came, they flowed out of her, more easily than she had imagined they would.

 

* * *

 

Once again Carmilla was sitting in her car on a Tuesday night outside  _ Silas, Coffee, and Tea _ . She had been there for about 30 minutes. She was late and would have already missed Laura’s set, but she didn’t think that she would have been able to sit through it anyways. The words weren’t there, Carmilla didn’t know what to say to Laura, she just knew that she had to play this song for her. She knew that they had a lot to talk through. But maybe this would help her show Laura how she felt.

 

Carmilla sighed deeply, willing the courage to come.

 

She got out of the car and walked slowly into the shop, immediately she found Laura sitting near the front of the stage, she was looking at her phone, scrolling through mindlessly. There was a guy singing  _ Rock Me Baby Like A Wagon Wheel _ very poorly on the mic. Carmilla winced in embarrassment for him. The original of that song was bad enough, let alone someone who was partially tone deaf singing it.

 

Carmilla made her way to the side of the room, she didn’t want Laura to see her. She glanced up at the stage and was more than a little relieved to see the keyboard up there. A few weeks ago she had told Laura it would be a nice edition for the open mic set up, and she was glad to see that she had kept it. This song was made for piano, it wouldn’t be right to play it on acoustic. Plus, Carmilla had left her favorite acoustic here the last open mic night she had been to. She hadn’t even been able to muster the courage to message Laura about that.

 

The guy was finishing up and was about to get off the stage and before Carmilla could lose her nerve she jumped up on stage before even Laura could. She hurried over to the the keyboard with the mic situated in front of it. She cleared her throat in the mic and that’s when Laura saw her.

 

Her eyes were wide, she hadn’t been expecting this. Carmilla hadn’t been to an open mic since they sang together weeks ago, and she had always refused to do a song by herself. Laura had barely gotten her to sing  _ Gorgeous  _ with her. But Carmilla was done shutting off this part of herself. Turning away from the music wouldn’t help anyone, least of all herself.

 

“So someone wrote half of this song for me, and as soon as I heard it I knew that it needed to be finished. I would like to dedicate this song to her.”

 

Carmilla started to play the piano riff that she had written for the song. Then she sang the words that Laura had written so brilliantly. She couldn’t meet Laura’s eyes as she sang it, so she kept them closed. The words were ingrained in her by this point. 

 

When Carmilla got to the part that she had written she couldn’t keep her eyes closed any longer. She opened them and immediately her gaze was drawn to Laura and she couldn’t look away.

 

_ You squeezed my hand three times in the back of the taxi _

_ I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road _

_ I’ll be there for you to toast to the town babe _

_ Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home _

 

She hoped Laura understood, that she wanted to be there for her no matter what. Sure she had fears to face, but they would talk about them and work through them together.

 

_ Hold on to the memories _

_ They will hold on to you _

_ Hold on to the memories _

_ They will hold on to you _

_ And I will hold on to you _

 

Carmilla could see Laura’s face soften, maybe she had a chance.

 

_ Please don’t ever become a stranger _

_ Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere _

_ Please don’t ever become a stranger _

_ Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere _

_ And I will hold on to you _

 

“Thank you,” she spoke into the mic, as she got up she got knocked with a wave of fear. She didn’t know what she was doing. Did anyone know how to do this? All she had was a mess of feelings and emotions and a need to be with Laura to make music with her. Overwhelmed she walked out the door and stood outside, the cold hitting her face.

 

“Carm?”

 

“Laura I don’t know how to do this. I’ve been broken before and I’m scared. I’m scared of that happening again. I know you’re different. Everything about you is different. But when labels, and producers and LA get involved it can get sticky and I don’t know if I can do that again. But I’m also sorry, so sorry. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way that I treated you, you deserve openness and honesty. You deserve the world and I don’t know if I can give you that.”

 

Laura grabbed her hand gently, almost like she was afraid to touch her.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

Carmilla turned around to face her and she brought her fingers up and just barely traced Laura’s cheeks with their tips. She took a deep breath and willed courage inside of her.

 

“Because I don’t care about that anymore. All I care about is being with you. Yes all of that is confusing and messy, but I know you and I trust you and I think we can work through this.”

 

Laura looked at her with wide eyes, speechless. Carmilla dropped her hand.

 

“What am I talking about? We haven’t even gone on a date or anything. Does this feel too soon? Like too much? I’m sorry I just don’t often feel this way. All I know is that the words I just sang are true, I want you in my life in whatever capacity that is.”

 

Laura stepped closer to her and leaned her head closer, her gaze flicking to Carmilla’s lips. Carmilla felt her heart race, she might have a heart attack.

 

“You know you could ask.”

 

“What?”

 

“Ask me on a date.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Carm.”

 

“Oh ya. Ummm...Laura...would you go on a date with me?”

 

Laura leaned up and brushed her lips oh so gently against Carmilla’s.

 

“Of course.”

 

Carmilla immediately calmed and she couldn’t help the smile that spread her face wide.

 

“And Carm?”

 

“Ya?”

 

“I mean what I said on that recording. I only want to do music if it’s with you.”

 

“You mean like a band or something?”

 

Laura shrugged a little.

 

“Why the heck not? Let’s make the music for us, and if we want to share it with other people then we can, sure a record deal and all that is enticing, but I’m in no hurry to rush it or anything.”

 

Carmilla smiled even more if it was possible. She couldn’t say that all her worries about the future were gone, but she definitely felt more at ease. Her and Laura were on the same page, the music was about them, they weren’t about the music. And together they would figure this out. And maybe if they were together it would be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well friends that's it. Sorry that it took me so long to get this last chapter up, sometimes life gets in the way. I hope you enjoyed the story, this was my first fic, and I really had fun writing it. If you're interested in an epilogue or even a part 2 (maybe) let me know in the comments or come and talk to me at still-cookiedough on tumblr. 
> 
> It's been real! Until next time!


End file.
